Once again, the 4-day school week has proven to feel a lot longer than a normal 5-day week. It started off with a huge disagreement on the home front, but that's a whole nother story.
At the beginning of the week, I was informed that a former student died tragically. It hit me really hard. The kid just finished high school, and there he was. Dead. I had him as a student two years ago, but I would still see him every once in a while last school year, as his best friend was my student helper. The student helper and I became close over the year, so I knew that the death of his best friend would hit him really hard. The first thing I did was send him an email with my condolences and offering any help I could give. The next day, he showed up to my classroom during my planning period. I had tons of planning to do, but I put it all aside so that he knew he could talk to me. You can tell he hadn't really stopped crying, which is so hard to look at. I told him to be strong and to remember to love his loved ones while there was still time. He appreciated my time and comfort.
I didn't go to the funeral (a. I don't do funerals unless it's family and my mother makes me go, b. It was during the school day.), but I did attend the wake. As I filed in to pay my respects, I had to choke back tears. As I kneeled before his open casket, I couldn't help but stare at him and the amount of makeup that was applied to cover the damage. It almost didn't even look like him. I silently chastised him for being foolish at the same time telling him to be good in heaven and watch over his friends and family that he really touched. It was hard to not break down and cry, but there were so many other people there in pain (including many other former students who showed to say goodbye) that I couldn't add to it. I had to leave quickly because the sadness swept over me. Walking away, I got really choked up and just couldn't deal. It's hard to say goodbye, especially to someone so young.
I went out last night to visit with a friend who's in town for the weekend. Everyone was having a good time, but I just couldn't get the image and the thought of the kid out of my head. I'd be in the middle of laughing and suddenly be hit with sadness. I wonder if it will ever go away. It's so hard.
3 comments:
I hate losing students. I've lost several over the years, the vast majority of them to car accidents. It is something that you never entirely get over, but time does heal. I often think of "Victoire" who was killed on a mission trip to Africa when her truck overturned. I can still remember her smile and how excited she was to make a difference in the world. She died at 19.Take care and give yourself time.
My heart breaks for the student and his family. It is always a fine line to cross when you lose a student. My sypathies are with you.
See? You aren't cynical, even as a fourth-year teacher.
Please remember that we're human beings first and there's no way to diminish the emotional impact of losing someone who's been a part of our lives, even in a small way.
Let it hit you. Be sad. Be upset. Then go and treat someone special and don't apologize for it.
Hugs...
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