I was a horrible teacher this year. Just terrible. By the end of the year, I realized that I had become that language teacher that I hated in high school that made me want to be a teacher (because I wanted to be better than that). This year, I was the teacher who taught straight from the book, who very rarely created my own activities, and assigned very few projects. I hated being there since about October, and it just never got better (both my attitude and the school year).
A lot of it was my fault. I just didn't want to try. I spent so much time blaming others (no curriculum, coworker went on maternity leave in October resulting in me taking on an extra class, high-level students had a teacher the year before that did absolutely nothing with them, kids were being lazy and unmotivated, etc). There were so many reasons to blame others, and I just ran with that. It was easier to pass the blame and focus on the shortcomings than to actually try to make things better.
I could've planned more interesting lessons (and actually spend more than the 10 minutes of homeroom to decide which book exercises we'd do for the day). I could've assigned more projects (even simple ones) so that the kids had more than 1-2 test grades (worth 35% of their grade) per quarter. I could've relaxed a little and accepted a little bit of imperfection (as I wasn't perfect myself). I could have been a much better teacher, but I wasn't. And for that, I am ashamed.
I HAVE to make the next school year better. Not just for my students, but also for me. I cannot spend another year blaming others and being miserable. I will do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen.
2 comments:
Don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes circumstances just beat us down until we feel overwhelmed and unable to look past one day at a time. Set goals for next year and start thinking about a cool project for each level. It will energize you as well. I had an "ah hah" moment when one of my second year students going on to third year said, "I've been waiting since 1st year to do the 3rd year fairy tale project!" (a play)Who would have thought it--a fairly simple, but fun way to practice imparfait and passe compose. (preterite)
I agree with Margaret! So much is out of our control, and yet it is our obligation as professionals to teach the students to the best of our ability. Rest, rest, rest this summer!!
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